All performers were 18 years of age
or older at time of the production
November 5th 2016
11/5/2016
All documentation per 18 USC 2257
is maintained by the custodian of
records L. Houston, 1458 Unit B7
San Bruno Ave., San Francisco CA, 94110.
Not to be viewed by minors.

CRASH PAD SERIES . com

Behind the Scenes – Episode 230: Kitty Stryker and Jetta Rae

transcription by: katina douveas

[Off Camera]: (Shine Louise Houston): Lean towards the camera just a little bit. Thank you very much

[Off Camera]: (Kitty Stryker): and.. if you can.. I’m.. I’m just gonna direct you

Jetta Rae: Great!

KS: ..for a minute. So if you can read it like a little bit softer, and a little bit more like you’re reading it to yourself, like an erotic story? And less like an instructional manual.

JR: Ok..

KS: Um.. and maybe if you can like play with the paddle a little bit, be like..

JR: Ok

KS: Cuz I wanna walk in on you like starting to play with yourself and I’m like “you didn’t make my fucking pot pie.. what the hell?”

JR: Ok. Alright

[Off Camera]: Rolling..

[Off Camera]: (SLH): Rolling.. So.. first thing I want when.. oh – are you gonna clap?

[Off Camera]: Oh right, thank you!

KS: (Laughs)

[Off Camera]: (SLH): Thank you!

[Off Camera]: Didn’t hurt.

[Off Camera]: Woo!

[Off Camera]: (SLH): Um, I’m gonna go ahead and prompt you with some questions

KS: Cool

Uh, don’t worry about memorizing the questions.. um, I’ll uh prompt you when things kind of slow down. The first question to ask each other (and this is, conversation amongst yourselves).. (we don’t exist).. um, first ask each other what did you enjoy about the shoot?

KS: Mmm hmm

[Off Camera]: (SLH): Next, uh.. what was challenging about the shoot? Ok? Uh.. third question.. um, what are your safe sex practices and why? Fourth question, uh.. if you’ve done porn before, why do you continue to do porn? And if you haven’t done porn before, why did you do it today? Uh, and five is closing statements, anything that the questions didn’t ask that you really wanna say about today or porn in general. Cool? So..

KS: Cool

[Off Camera]: (SLH): ..one of you will start, uh.. by asking the other: “how did you enjoy the shoot today?”

KS: (Laughs) How did you enjoy the shoot today?

JR: Was it good enough for you?

KS: (Laughs) Yeah it was alright

JR: Mmyeah

KS: It was alright. It’ll do

JR: Yeah

KS: (Laughs). I asked you

JR: Oh.. uh, yeah, yeah, it was nice. Um, I liked it. Um.. yeah, it.. it went different than I thought it would. Um.. but.. that was good

KS: What did you think was gonna happen? (Laughs)

JR: (Laughs) I mean I don’t.. I don’t know.. it’s like.. I mean it’s like when you.. it’s like when you prepare for like a hot date, you know? Like, you’re like ‘ok, I gotta make sure that like I do my toes and my nails and I gotta like shave all the hair off my butthole and I gotta like you know, make sure that I’m all, like, put together and ready’ and then you just end up, like, you know.. you go down on them and then you know you watch, um.. and then..

KS: True crime? (Laughs)

JR: Yeah (Laughs)

JR: you watch.. you watch

KS: Wrestling?

JR: true crime and wrestling and then.. and then you’re like ‘oh, well I’m glad I over-prepared’..

KS: (Laughs)

JR: like, you know. So it was like that, like I thought we were gonna do like, you know, I thought it was gonna be like a lot of butt stuff, like a lot of focus on like.. my.. parts..? But it ended up being mostly about the.. the power dynamic and.. and the, and the.. hitting.. um, and that was nice, that was.. it’s a.. um.. um.. I don’t wanna say ‘happy accident’ cuz we definitely came here on purpose – we had to show.. we had to show our pictures.. we had to pose next to our pictures

KS: Yeah that’s how porn works

JR: Yeah

KS: (Laughs) Uh, yeah I had a good time, I thought that um.. I guess I wasn’t sure how it would go, but that’s why, like we talked a little bit about having a basic story line and having, like.. a structure, and I feel like.. um.. I wanted to suggest a bunch of things so that we could cut things out..

JR: Mmm hmm

KS: ..and just see what worked naturally and.. I uh.. I liked that. I was a little worried when you, when you.. said about the like.. the wrestling move thing.. but then that ended up working out ok (Laughs). Even though I’m not.. I’m not super primed on.. on wrestling moves.. which is why you always beat me at lube wrestling. Um.. was there anything that was particularly challenging?

JR: I mean.. you know, let’s be candid.. we haven’t had sex since Valentine’s Day..

KS: Yeah

JR: This is the first time we’ve had sex in almost a year.. um.. you know, like.. I feel sometimes.. I.. On top of, like, the stuff we’ve talked about for intimacy, as a fat trans woman dating a fat cis woman, like, I.. sometimes struggle to express desire or things I like because I’m so wrapped up in that, like, fear of.. that I’m just expressing aspiration? You know?

KS: Mmm hmm

JR: Or that I’m expressing a desire to BE you.. um..

KS: I mean I’m pretty cool

JR: Yeah

KS: (Laughs)

JR: So, I mean, you know.. a lot of the things we did were things that I like but I have, we haven’t ever really tried in our relationship because I’m.. you know, a lot of like internalized feelings about, like, trans / cis / lesbian sexuality

KS: Yeah I think that was probably what was challenging for me too, well it was a little.. I was worried about feeling more challenged by the banter, but that ended up coming more naturally than I.. I was a little.. unsure how that would be, but um.. yeah I mean like.. jumping into having sex again.. was like something, yeah that we’d talked a lot about.. um.. but, uh.. yeah I mean if anything I felt like it was kind of a relief to.. to do it in this setting? Um.. I mean, that puts me in an advantage cuz I’ve done porn before, so.. for me this is like a safe space.. um.. but..

JR: Remember that time you were gonna do a pissing scene and I kept trying to give your partner coffee?

KS: Yeah, I do remember that yeah

JR: (Laughs)

KS: That was not cool (Laughs). That was going in my mouth (Laughs). Um.. but like.. yeah I don’t know, like I felt like that like ended up um.. the fact that we were sort of coming to it from a fresh place allowed me to like I don’t normally feel comfortable with foot play..

JR: Yeah

KS: ..but I know that’s something that you really like and actually I found that I really enjoyed it within the dynamic of that scene

JR: Yeah

KS: So that might be something that I’d be more comfortable doing off camera because I got to try it in a container that I felt comfortable with.. um..

[Sex Scene]

JR: We could play some Sorry?

KS: (Laughs) Yeah? Oh yeah? You wanna play some Sorry?

JR: ..have some.. have some chai?

KS: Oh NOW you wanna make me chai

JR: ..we could process..

KS: I think we do enough of that

JR: (Yells)

KS: Sometimes you need something with a little more force

[Interview]

JR: Um.. so, one of my safe sex practices is I.. I think that, you know, when we talk about safe sex practices, we often talk a lot about.. physical.. safe sex practices? Um.. but like for me something that is really important are emotional safe sex practices like, you know, I try, you know, like, really hard to make sure that, like, I have sex with people that, like, that are experienced with polyamory..

KS: Yeah

JR: ..like that, when you.. I think that that can become really dangerous for multiple people if you’re like, if you’re.. if you’ve been poly for a long time and.. and you have sex with someone who hasn’t been, and they become.. you know.. and then there’s that whole.. sort of.. of, of emotion and like like anxiety and, and duress.. um.. you know I.. like I, I kind of, I vet the people that I have sex with.. like – I don’t always vet them in terms of, like how compatible they’ll be with me, uh with, in terms of boundaries and emotions, but like, I do think..

[Off Camera]: KS: (Coughs) Sorry

JR: ..I do think it’s important to, like, fuck people that share your politics

KS: Yeah.. definitely

JR: And, you know.. um.. as a trans woman who doesn’t really top I, um, I don’t use a lot of condoms.. in my, like, you know.. except for toys.. um.. so

[Off Camera]: KS: (Coughs)

JR: ..I guess because of that like it’s, uh.. you know, it’s, it’s important to me to, like, not let that be the end of it, of it like.. instead of.. so like.. it’s important for me to not be like ‘well, I’m a trans woman, and I don’t put my dick in people, so I don’t have to worry about condoms – that’s the end of safe sex for me’.. like I think it’s important to interrogate it on a holistic level

KS: Well and I think that like, as a long term couple, we talk a lot about what kind of safe sex we have with other partners. Cuz like I have unprotected sex with one of my other partners, and that’s something that we’ve talked about..

JR: Oh I know..

KS: (Laughs)

JR: I walked in on it yesterday..

KS: Something you’ve walked in on.. (Laughs)

JR: Yeah

KS: You knew.. you knew that that was gonna happen

JR: Yeah ok well so, like..

KS: (Laughing)

JR: ..I walked in.. and I THOUGHT what I saw out of the corner of my eye, cuz I was trying to give you some privacy.. was just him like.. climbing over you, like, to cuddle next to you. But then he.. climbed up.. descended.. climbed back up like, like the fucking yodeling guy.. on The Price Is Right game? Do you remember that?

KS: (Laughing) Yes

JR: The pachinko? ..like.. no it wasn’t pachinko – pachinko was a different one, but like yeah, there was the one with the yodeling guy, and he would just like.. it was just like doing this.. and then I was like ‘oh that’s something..’

KS: (Laughs) Actually, he said ‘well alright then’ if I recall correctly..

JR: NO, he didn’t say ‘well alright then’ when I walked in on him eating you out..

KS: Oh , right. Ok

JR: Because, again, I just thought he was just.. just talking to your pussy for some reason..

KS: (Laughs) Yeah

JR: People do that..

KS: But outside of that..

JR: Yeah

KS: ..uh, I use like gloves..

JR: Yeah

KS: ..and condoms and.. dental dams.. um.. I mean I.. I kind of eroticize safer sex stuff.. generally.. um.. but because I have such a consistent thing with you and with.. with him that I don’t..

JR: Can I tell you about something I did once?

KS: Sure

JR: Um.. I.. uh.. I once recorded the sound of me putting on gloves.. I used to date someone who ran? Like, she just jogged.. Like, and she had this iPod that she would listen to, and I um.. once I stayed over, and I, like, uploaded a couple tracks of me putting on gloves.. to like, put into her running track so that, like, she would go out and run and hear it, and come back and wanna fuck

KS: (Laughs) That’s very clever

JR: Sli.. slightly (Laughs)

KS: Slightly manipulative

JR: ..brainwashing..

KS: Yeah, a little bit

JR: But..

KS: But I mean I think more people could use that. Like I think that it’s important eroticize safer sex. And I think that um.. you know, and also thinking about what’s.. what acts you’re doing.. and like what risk factors are, and.. getting tested regularly.. and stuff like that

JR: what’s interesting about.. like, eroticizing safer sex is that.. a lot of trans women who are lesbians actually come to see using a strap on (even though they already have.. that.. meat equipment..) – they see that as, like, an evolved intimacy. like they see that as like.. that’s, you know, that’s like the, that’s.. that’s.. that’s, you know, the plateau.. that’s, like, that’s, that’s the peak of like me.. having sex with another woman.. is to use a strap-on on her.. um.. which I find really interesting. And I.. I wonder if some people feel like that.. that way with like, with gloves? It’s like, it’s this.. we.. we often think of it as like a removal.. but, gloves are.. very intimate.

KS: yeah

JR: doctors use it

KS: (Laughs)

[Sex Scene]

JR: [breathing heavily, gasping]

KS: ..that nicer than (unintelligible)?

JR: (garbled)

KS: sightly? slightly better than (unintelligible)?

JR: the coffee one isn’t bad

KS: (laughs)

[Interview]

KS: oh yeah, so what made you wanna do porn.. today?

JR: (rubs fingers together indicating money)

[Off Camera]: KS: (laughs)

JR: um.. i mean.. so like, i remember when we were.. it was like a year ago.. year.. year.. year ago.. (ish).. and you were like ‘i have to retire from porn.. because i’m.. i’m too old’.. and i thought that was like ridiculous, and i was like ‘no you don’t, you’re fine, whatever! blah blah blah blah blah.. do it..’ you know, like, and you were trying to, just sort of like, argue the.. the nature of the beast to me. and so.. i wanted to do this, in part, because i want people.. you know, like, i want people our age, like in their thirties.. like, people who.. are fat.. people who, like, have hard to reach body hair that they can’t shave.. people with like, you know.. zits on their tits.. i want people to see that we are capable of filth

KS: (Laughs) yeah, that’s fair

JR: you know?

KS: that’s fair

JR: and so, i’ve wanted, you know, i wanted people to see a body like mine, and realize that they are capable.. like they may not be, you know, like.. they may not.. even if they don’t fit.. like.. the idea of, you know, uh, you know like i say all the time, ‘i’m nobody’s shemale fantasy, including my own’ – like, but they could still be capable of perversion – they could still be capable of.. of.. not just being sexy, but being commodified for their sexiness. and so, it was important for me to do that. you know. i.. well the question i actually have for you is like.. are you still gonna do porn? i mean.. you know.. the i mean we are on the.. we are on the cusp of the precipice of the end of it all

KS: yeah

JR: ..but.. removed from that.. like.. i want you to keep doing porn because you enjoy it and you’re good at it

KS: thank you. i mean, i think that i.. i wanted to do this because i mean i love CrashPad and.. i had no idea it had been five years.. like, i knew it had been a while, but like.. i really.. i feel safe.. doing porn here… and i.. i really like queer porn. but i think that it was just, like, i wanted to retire because i was tired of.. the constant, like, marketing, and the constant, like, pitching.. um.. which i was already doing for writing.. so, like, i just needed one industry that i was doing that, not.. multiple. um.. will i continue to do porn? i know i’ll probably still do some weird art / porn stuff, like, you know, i have things in the works for that and.. it’s still a medium that i think deserves to be treated like any other medium.. and respected as such.. so.. i don’t know how much i’ll perform.. continue to perform.. um.. as it pleases me.. i guess (laughs) ..um.. but i don’t think it’s necessarily something i’ll seek out.. um.. to do, it’ll be more something that if someone’s like ‘hey, i’m doing this thing, you wanna do it?’ i’ll be like ‘yeah, sure – why not?’

[Sex Scene]

JR: (Moaning)

KS: oh. well.. you know what? i think you can have more of that when you actually make dinner.

JR: i love you

KS: i love you too (laughs)

[Interview]

KS: um.. i mean i think that this was a really great way to like.. experiment with our sexual intimacy again.. to be honest.. like.. and i think that that’s something i wish people recognize that porn can be.. that sometimes it’s.. it can actually encourage intimacy. i think there’s a lot of, um… you know the Prop 60 stuff out there right now – there’s a lot of.. this impression that porn is a removal of intimacy, or people will watch porn and be unable to be intimate with their partner, and it’s like no, i think that it’s very possible to perform in and watch porn and have that encourage intimacy instead, and i wish that was communicated more often.

JR: so i was nervous before we started, and a lot of why i was nervous is.. i’m not, like, you know.. i’m not.. sex work is not part of like my, like professional or public identity.. you know, i’m.. i’m just like.. i make the food, and i talk about the wrestles.. you know.. and i was worried because we were live streaming this and.. you know, live tweeting.. that like some of my friends, who i just like watch wrestling with, or, you know, who i, like, swap recipes with would see this, and.. feel repulsed.. or repelled, or like, think i’m gross or like, not wanna be my friend anymore or worse like any of like my crushes that i can never fucking face up to..

KS: (laughs)

JR: ..would see this and feel something. but then like as we started doing it, and like i saw the.. the live stream camera, and i had this like.. this like.. this commingling of like anxiety with, like possibility of like wouldn’t.. how hot would it be if like some of these like, you know, women i have crushes on, who i assumed are.. don’t even swing my way, are watching you fuck me up..

KS: (laughs)

JR: ..and how great that is. and like that’s like a.. um.. it’s like a.. i don’t know, it’s like a.. an isotope? of a of of like peak (peek?) intimacy, it’s like unique? i don’t know.. i.. i was just trying to impress you with my..

KS: (laughs) well good, i’m glad it was an enjoyable experience for a myriad of, you know, good and also weird reasons

JR: i love and i’m proud of you

KS: i love and i’m proud of you too

[Off Camera]: yay!

KS: good job (jem?) (laughs)

JR: thanks