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♪ Intro Music ♪

Jaq: What did you enjoy about the shoot today?

Atomic: Oh, this was so much fun. What did I enjoy? There were so many things. So many different emotions you know, are activated by being in a scene. One, it’s really… It’s really nourishing to be able to do a scene with someone that I feel in-community with that I find a lot of inspiration in their work and to, you know, be a part of your scene before you move on and start a new chapter and be able to connect with you in a very like, sensual, sexual, but very ritualistic experience incorporating like these plants that you’ve cultivated through your life. So it’s – I just loved being able to contribute and connect with you in this way. And also just the way you respond.

Jaq: Thank you

Atomic: Like, you know, your responses are so genuine and so connective. Even when we’re not facing each other I still feel, you know, really connected, which is amazing. So, yeah, I enjoyed so much of this scene.

Jaq: Thank you

Atomic: Yeah. What did you enjoy about the scene today?

(laughs)

Jaq: I loved it. I love the whole thing. And I love that we could, like… We met a few times before this And went over a lot.
Atomic: Yeah.

Jaq: Also… kind of agreed to, like, be in the moment and see what happened. And I love about just, like, happened. It worked.
Atomic: Yeah.

Jaq: It was really fun. And it meant a lot to me.

Atomic: Aw, thank you.
What was most challenging about the shoot?

Jaq: Nothing. (laughs) But like, I think I always get like a little bit of jitters just because…I don’t know, I’m jittery person. (laughs) And so that’s like… But honestly, I felt like, really good about this. I like came in feeling great and ready and yeah, no challenges.

Atomic: No challenges. I love no challenges.

(laughs)

Jaq: What about you? What did you find challenging about today? Today’s shoot, I should say.
Atomic:Today’s shoot. What did I find challenging? I didn’t feel…anything personally challenging. I think what might have been challenging is, like, there’s so many things you want to do because there’s so many plants. I’m like, okay what about this one! I don’t want to neglect that one. So really, the biggest, you know, if there is any challenge, it’s really trying to make sure that I can have us experience this in a like full way. But there’s no – there’s no right or wrong way. Like, I feel completely fulfilled, you know, like what needed to happen and what plants needed to be part of our scene happened, you know. So, yeah, no challenges really for me.

Jaq: I wanted to just say too, like, thank you so much because I know that topping in this way and like dominating in this way, it takes a lot of planning and in the moment, like – like you’re talking about like executive decisions (laughs) about what will happen.
Atomic: Yeah

Jaq: And I appreciate that so much. yeah.

Atomic: Aw! Thanks for giving over the top appreciations. Appreciation more, there we go. That’s why there’s a top shortage.

Jaq: We need to verbally appreciate tops more.

Atomic: Yeah! You know, capitalism just… people are all “I can’t make anymore decisions!” I gotta let go
Jaq: Exactly

Atomic: If it means, oh, I got to think about this, or I need a floral apron. And what about that thing and like, what would be plant-like where are those green earrings at? For me it’s just, you know, while I’m topping and someone is bottoming or in a submissive role or receiving, you know it’s that power exchange, like we talked about. And like you mentioned before, right. It’s like we’ve – we’re exchanging, like you’re allowing me to have control while you maintain all the power. Right. You know, and it’s just connecting and feeding off of what your body is responding to and then offering you a different sensation or offering you a different kind of feeling or touch or tempo, and then just staying in like in that connectivity and being ready to check in, you know, in so many different ways, verbally or just by through touch or just slowing down and giving space or connecting to the breath. It was great. I love this shit!
Jaq: – Yeah

(laughs)

Jaq: Me too.
Atomic: Team!

Jaq: What are your safer sex practices, and why?

Atomic: For me they begin individually in thinking about how that impacts collectively, like how it impacts the people that I’m in relationship with, how it’s going to impact people throughout the community. So a big portion of my safer sex practice is to always, you know, maintain a good testing regiment. I’ve been taking PrEP since 2018 and maintain that for me it’s having a variety of different barriers, you know, and having those at the ready so that I can offer different ways and, you know, meet people where their needs are.

Jaq: Yeah.

Atomic: So, you know, for me it’s like, yeah, safer sex practices are really important and having that conversation, you know, I think sometimes you encounter a situation where people are not, you know, feeling as empowered to openly talk about what their safer sex practices are out of fear of like, maybe I don’t know everything or maybe I’ll leave something out. Right? But the conversations are where we are able to, like, share different information, right? So you may say, these are my safest practices. I am on PrEP, I am on PEP. I use barriers for oral, I use barriers for, you know, hand sex, you know, limb sex or whatever, or oral sex. And then someone say, well, have you tried DoxyPEP? Oh, I didn’t know about that. Right? So it’s not a shame of not knowing… we want to remove the barriers of shame. So it’s like modeling those things right? And then, you know, creating for me, it’s also creating a safe space for people, a safer space for people to share about their STI history, like their sexual wellness status right now, and in a way that is accepting. What it does, is it allows me and them and a group of people, whoever right?

Jaq: (laughs) Yeah

Atomic: To figure out what kinds, what types of barriers or safer sex practices we need to carry on in the moment. What are your safer sex practices? Now that’ I’ve filled up the…

Jaq: (laughs) I mean, very similar. I’m on- I’ve been on PrEP for a number of years. Just as like a precautionary measure. I think of it almost as like having a vaccine. You know, I’m like protecting other people. I’m in contact with. I get tested a lot, at least monthly. There’s so much shame and stigma. Talking about sexual health and people have, you know, even the parlance of like getting your test results back and being like, I’m “clean” versus being “dirty”
Atomic: Yeah, yeah.

Jaq: And so being like, well, here’s the risk factors instead
Atomic: Yeah.

Jaq: So it’s like it, I think that using that language is good because it takes away from that stigma and like, yeah, it just makes it more like…
Atomic: – Talking about health, right?
Jaq: Yeah, it’s just about health. It’s not about who you are as a person
Atomic: Yeah, it’s not a moral – it’s not a moral assessment of who you are.

Jaq: I think it was last year I had- I got positive for gonorrhea.
Atomic: – Okay.
Jaq: The first time ever and was like, All right, well, I tell everyone I had sex with, no big deal and I get a big shot in my ass. And I’m good.
Atomic: – Yeah.
Jaq: And it was like, that was it. I was like, this is not like a life-ending thing.
Atomic: No!
Jaq: Why are we ashamed of this?

Atomic: We both have porn before (laughs) Why do you feel… Why do you continue to do porn? Why do you feel led to do porn?

Jaq: I love making porn. It’s fun, it’s creative, it’s expressive, it’s transgressive. And I’m just like, love that shit (laughs) Yeah, and I feel very lucky in that I’ve had, like, really positive experiences and feel very empowered to like pick who I shoot with and stuff like that. And it’s just really important to me. And one of my favorite things about doing porn is like actually, feedback from fans and viewers who are like, I think about and have like, saved messages that mean so much to me. Like someone who has, like said Before, I saw this video of you with this other person I never thought my body type was desirable.

Atomic: Yeah.

Jaq: You have also made porn before
Atomic: – I have made porn

Jaq: Why do you keep making it?
Atomic: – Keep making porn.

Atomic: I make less porn as time goes, but… Yeah, what I want to share about porn is… One, it is a form of artistic expression for me. But two, it’s also sex in collective space. Sex that is, you know, in the view of others, is also part of my like spiritual practice. I mentioned this before to you is like this… the collective experience of pleasure, you know, and to be witnessed in that way for me is a way of continuing to develop community it’s a decolonial way of doing things, you know. So I don’t like to think of my porn as just like something to be commodified, you know, but it is, you know, something for me to kind of tear down, you know, tear down these walls, tear down these barriers to, you know, express myself in a way that shows people like I am inviting you in to connect with me in this scene, connect with me on this shoot. Connect with me in how I’m expressing, you know, sexuality. And in that way, it kind of just, like you said, you know, we’re telling folks that they have permission. Right?
Jaq: – Yeah

Atomic: Because we’re showing them like I am, I am empowered. I am taking control of how I present my sexuality in the world, you know, especially like inhabiting a trans Black queer body, right. And living in a racialized society where my body is, is either oversexualized, right? Or sexually demonized or criminalized. Right. So for me, this, you know, continuing to do porn, but doing porn in the way you described, right, where I’m, you know, collaborating with people that I choose to, where I am feeling…like consenting in a way that, you know, I feel great about. Right. And consenting in a way where I’m going to walk away from this scene and feel inspired to create more art.

Atomic: Thank you, Jaq. That’s my closing statement. Thank you so much for, you know, allow me to be a part of your scene. I thank CrashPad a lot. You know, CrashPad is a deserved place in queer porn history and needs a lot more appreciation, I think.

Jaq: Yeah!
I’m Going to Amsterdam. Follow me online! (laughs) Yeah.