Transcription: Michael J. Morris

August: Oh, this bed is cozy.
(out of frame): Oh, look at, look at how you fell into my frame! Look at that. You’re, like, perfectly framed.

August: Thanks.

(out of frame): How are they going to enter? Like, what frame, how do you want me to frame the shot?

(Shine, out of frame): So, I’m going to be… I’ll take this end. So I’ll catch the door. And then if you can be on Stacey. Towards the corner of the bed. So you’re matching my angle.

(out of frame): Oh, you’re totally not in my shot.

(Shine, out of frame): And action.

Stacey: You have presents.

August: Oh, yeah?

Stacey: Mm-hmm.

August: What is it?

Stacey: It’s me, and all this. So …

August: That sounds pretty good.

Stacey: Happy birthday.

August: Thank you.

(Shine, out of frame): That was great. Oh no, holy shit … oh, I thought, I was like, “Oh my god, you have a nose bleed!” I’m sorry.

Stacey: I didn’t think about that. Maybe we should take it easy on the kissing?

(out of frame): Oh, that’s so funny.

(Shine, out of frame): That was great! That was totally cute! Oh my god! Oh, that’s ridiculously cute. Oh my god.

[cut to interview on bed]

(out of frame): There will be no backing up. Do you want a pillow?

(out of frame): You better sit in that same exact spot. I’m cracking the whip! Oh my god, I’m still recording.

Stacey: How’d you like the shoot today?

August: Um… I liked it a lot. It was scary and intimidating, but fun and major breakthroughs for myself. For being able to know what I’m capable of and not be afraid of it. And just know that it’s okay. You know, I have to tell myself, it’s okay, it’s okay, and not want to throw up.

Stacey: Mm-hmm.

August: Because I really wanted to throw up earlier. So, it was really, really good.

Stacey: Cool.

August: Cool.

Stacey: So you had a break through.

August: I did! I had a big one. So yeah, I almost cried.

Stacey: Wow.

August: Mm-hmm. I was like, “Whoa, choke it back. Choke it back.” So, what did you like about the shoot?

Stacey: Um … it was an interesting dynamic for me, because I was totally picking up on how you were so excited and nervous, that I found it, like, endearing to the point where I found it hot. And that put me in this position of, like, “Alright, I’ve gotta, like, show this kids the ropes.” First porn, ever, and I just thought, “That’s really sweet.” And I felt like I kind of got off on kind of taking charge even if it felt like it was from the bottom.

August: Mm-hmm. I thought it was really hot.

Stacey: Yeah, me too. That too.

August: I was, like, “Good idea.” So …

[cut to shooting scene]

(Shine, out of frame): Stay exactly where you are. Which is, I think will be fine for both of us.

(out of frame): Are we taking the entrance again?

(Shine, out of frame): No, we’re just going to take it from the kissin’.

August: Okay.

[cut to later in shoot]

(Shine, out of frame): So, and here’s, we’re at the point now where now that we’ve got the entrance, our job now is pretty much to follow you as seamlessly as possible. There might be a couple of times, once again, where we might call “hold” where we really have to adjust the cameras, but other than that we’re just going to try to roll right through it. Okay?

Stacey: You want to start with the candles?

August: Sure.

Stacey: I’ll be all, “Oh, you know, I have the candles, but I don’t have a cake.”

August: Okay.

Stacey: And then you can be all, “Aw, darlin’, .”

August: Okay. Sounds good. I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do. I’ve never … I feel like Baby Huey, like seriously.

Stacey: It’s cute, it’s like, it’s good.

August: Okay.

Stacey: Yeah.

August: Alright.

(Shine, out of frame): Cool. Yeah. Doing good. So, we’ll just take it from kissing, and then, like you guys said, we’ll go into the candles. Okay, and cameras are both going.

August: Sorry.

(Shine, out of frame): Cool. And action.

Stacey: So, I didn’t get you a cake. Sorry about that. But I have candles …

August: Okay.

Stacey: So, I don’t know, I thought maybe we could use them as …

August: You want to use candles?

Stacey: It’s up to you.

August: Hmm.

[cut back to interview]

Stacey: So what was challenging?

August: Showing up. Because I really got about half way here and thought about turning around, and um … just because I was so scared. It was really hard for me to show up. It was … I thought it was going to be hard for me to be present, but it wasn’t. And, like, when we were just sitting here, and I was just thinking about it, and I’m like, this is the time of in life where I actually feel pretty. It was weird because my whole life people would be like, “Oh, you’re a boy.” Or, you know, you’re not this or you’re not that, and to actually step into the role where I felt like I was, and not question it, and know, like, I am this. And I’m totally okay with it. So to finally kind of … it’s so empowering to step into that and know that I’m okay. I’m gay-okay.

Stacey: Mm-hmm!

August: So, what about you? What was challenging for you?

Stacey: What was challenging for me was trying something I haven’t done before, which was—even though it was minimal—using bondage and ties on camera, because I feel much more free to fumble around when there isn’t a camera there. So, I actually had planned on tying you up a little bit more, but I did get nervous. But it was a start.

August: I don’t know, I thought you did excellent.

Stacey: So how were the candles?

August: They were hot.

Stacey: Yes.

August: They burnt! And I’m really red. But … it was fun. Like, that was a lot of fun for me. I felt like, I didn’t really know if I was doing it, or if it hurt, you know, if I was, “Oh, I hope I’m not hurting you,” you know. So, I felt very … you know, like I was doing something bad. At the same time, I was like, but I like it. It’s bad. I don’t know. The side of me … everybody always say, “Oh, you’re such a nice person.” So, for me to do that, I was like, I can be not nice.

Stacey: That spark of sadism. Cool. It was a good ice-breaker.

August: You know what, it really was.

Stacey: Yeah, I mean, if things feel tense or nervous to start with, sometimes I think you might as well just go in there with some intense sensation. I helps me brings myself up out of my head if I’m tripping. I just get to have to really feel what’s going on. It’s so intense that I’m going to have to be there for it. You know, something hot and shocking.

August: Yep.

Stacey: It felt good.

Autumn: You know, it’s true. It pulls you right into that moment, doesn’t it. I’m going to think about that.

[cut to scene, August dripping candle wax on Stacey]

August: How’s that?

Stacey: Yeah, it hurts a little bit. It’s not so bad.

[cut to Stacey dripping wax on August]

Stacey: What do you think? Does it hurt?

August: It hurts, but it’s not that bad.

Stacey: You’re growing up to be such a touch, big boy. Happy birthday.

[cut back to interview]

Stacey: So why did you want to do porn?

August: I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. Because it’s so vulnerable for me. It puts me in such a … like, I was so scared. And, um, like, seriously, it let me feel pretty. You know, when I never got that. Ever. So for me to step in and be like, “Oh. I’m pretty.” You know, and all of my body issues that I’ve had, they kind of almost faded away. Not completely, but I could see that they were on their way. But it was … I really wanted to do it to break through, to have a break-through. Like, I knew it would put one on me, I knew that it would push me into one, and that’s why, and I needed one this time. So, not just because, obviously, I did just turn thirty. But, I mean, I really wanted to push myself. And I did. And this really did that for me.

Stacey: Cool.

August: So, yeah. I was using it as a tool, not just, you know, “Oh, I’m going to do porn! Whoo!” You know, I wanted to really tap in and do something fulfilling.

Stacey: It’s cool you did it in a space that feels queer and safe, you know …

August: That was really a big one, feeling safe. And I felt completely safe. And that’s what really … it’s so nice to feel that.

Stacey: Cool.

August: Why did you want to do porn?

Stacey: Why did I want to do porn? I love doing porn. I like being performative and an exhibitionist. And it does make me nervous too, but I kind of get off on it. Exciting. I get to be creative and bring lots of color.

August: Yeah.

Stacey: Installation.

August: It was nice.

[cut to shooting scene]

August: I feel like I have not had sex ever in my life right now.

(out of frame): Oh my god, that is such a common thing to feel! Especially their first time.

August: I feel like I’ve never done this before.

(out of frame): That’s everybody says that their first time. They’re like, “I forget how to have sex.”

August: Wow. I feel lame.

Stacey: You’re doing really good.

(Shine, out of frame): Yeah, no, you’re doing great. And really, you’re totally photogenic. It looks really great. Wait, go like this one more time.

August: Is it lipstick?

(Shine, out of frame): Yeah. No, other side. There you go.

(Stacey, out of frame): Do I have something?

(Shine, out of frame): No, I think you’re good. You’re good.

[cut to later in scene]

Stacey: You know what else is kind of funny?

August: Hmm?

Stacey: Well, just like how I didn’t get you a cake, but I brought candles, I brought ribbon, but no present. So we’re going to have to find something else to wrap up.

August: I’m sure we can think of something.

Stacey: Mm-hmm. I have something actually.

August: Yeah?

Stacey: Mm-hmm.

[cut through several parts of scene]

(Shine, out of frame): Can you flip your shirt back just a little bit? There we go. Thank you. Natural porn arm, look at that.

August: No, you didn’t just say that.

[cut back to interview]

Stacey: Was there anything else?

August: Um … also, I wanted to, like … I know not all of the scars I have were shown, but I think it’s important for people to know that scars are pretty.

Stacey: Yeah.

August: You know, they’re cool. They’re neat. They have stories. You know, there’s so many imperfect bodies out there. And I think we need to stop believing that there are, that there’s such a thing as perfect, because it just doesn’t exist anyway.

Stacey: Yeah.

August: So, that’s important that people know that.

Stacey: That’s really important.

August: Nobody fits in a mold. There’s not a billion of us that are the same. And every body’s different, and it needs to be appreciated.

Stacey: I totally agree. To a less extreme extent, that’s why I like showing the pink triangle tattoo. You know, it’s very obviously a symbol of queerness, and even though I’ve been in a lot of different venues with sex work, I’m like always happy to out myself as that. But yeah, I think your scars are hot.

August: Thanks!

Stacey: I think scars are hot.

August: Thank you.

Stacey: I’m really glad that you came through.

August: Maybe next time, maybe next time we’ll get bold. Who knows?

Stacey: I think you were pretty bold.

August: I’m still working on it. And with no booze! High five.

Stacey: No booze.

August: Wow. I was so … it was the first time I’ve had sober sex since about March.

Stacey: Alright.

August: Yeah. Intense. I’m all like, “Whoo! Let’s feel it.” So, thank you,

Stacey: Yeah, thank you.

[credits]