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Slumber Party with Lyric Seal: Reuniting Past Love

Lyric Seal Sex and Relationship Advice Slumber Party at Lyric CrashPad Indie Queer Porn

Lyric Explains it All! We launched “Slumber Party“, a sex/relationship/life-advice column by the one and only Lyric Seal. Read Lyric’s past posts. Though Lyric is taking a short break, they had a moment to address one more question:

Dear Lyric,
I reunited with an old lover and it felt good in every way. We hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in 6 or 7 years. I’m moving out in the fall close to where he lives now (for a totally unrelated reason) and we are kinda planning on dating when I get there. What’s your advice for loving the nostalgic parts of this but moving on and knowing each other as we are now? Has anything like this ever happened to you?

Time-Sensitive!

How exquisite.

I know this question has been stewing on my back burner for a minute now, but luckily, it seems like this is a longer term question which you are taking time with as well. First of all, congratulations on a successful reunion with an old flame! That in and of itself is something to be celebrated and given space. I have not had the experience of reuniting with a former lover in a romantic or sexual sense. I have however had a former love who I had not spoken to (they had stopped speaking to me on rather sordid terms) for four years, reconnect with me, and now we are slowly engaging as Internet pen pals, getting to know each other and catching up as we go. I think that for you, the most important part to keep in mind, is that you are not resuming an old relationship, but creating a new one.

You may have beautiful or difficult memories come up, in the course of getting to know one another again, and you may want to share these with each other. But it is not just that your relationship and potentially ways of relating are new — you are new. After seven years, all of the cells of your body have turned over. You are, in essence, a new being.

When processing surfacing feelings about past events for myself, whether pleasant or traumatic, I try to remember, “These are old feelings in a new body.” Your body and wisdom are new, they are you, and you have both grown immensely in the time that you have been apart. If you feel compelled to share this new person that you are, with someone you once loved differently and now perhaps love anew, then also foster willingness in yourself to receive ways that he has changed and grown.

I think it’s totally okay to be nostalgic. Share memories! Retrace steps. Be tender with your old bones and growing muscles and stretching skin. I think maybe if you want to have something to watch out for — be aware if you find yourself trying to recreate a dynamic in a way that doesn’t feel natural.

It makes sense, in the beginning, to search for a familiar feeling, and some of that familiar feeling may be evident, but as you go, just relax and enjoy the relationship as it is created. I’m glad to hear that you are moving to the area he lives in for reasons unrelated, and I think it’s helpful to stay focused on what brings you joy independent from this new or old relationship. No matter what happens with your relationship, I think it’s beautiful that you were able to reconvene in a way that felt validating, positive, and invigorating. That will always be a true moment. Good luck, love hard, and be well.

xo Lyric

Catch Lyric Seal’s workshop, “Slumber Party” on self esteem, loving relationships, and self love solidarity at the Northwest Women of Color Conference at University of Oregon in Eugene on May 2nd. This will be a POC and feminist centralized space but all genders (not just women-identified) are welcome.


Follow Lyric on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram (selkiesonthetide). And enjoy their CrashPad Episodes!

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“Slumber Party with Lyric Seal” Takes a Rest

Lyric Seal Sex and Relationship Advice Slumber Party at Lyric CrashPad Indie Queer Porn

Lyric Explains it All! We launched “Slumber Party“, a sex/relationship/life-advice column by the one and only Lyric Seal. Read Lyric’s past posts, and this special update:

Hey babes. Lyric Seal is going to be taking a bit of much needed little break from the internet, sharing and networking to reflect, self tend, and re-evaluate some things. I’m sorry for the hiatus of Slumber Party; there are a lot of things that are not feeling good right now in my body and social world, mostly trying to figure out how to use my heart and my body as a disabled person with PTSD and an earnest nature and a critical brain and a sensitive soul the best, most effective, most nourishing, kind way I can.

I will be answering questions as I am able, and when I have internet access, but I will be going to a little cottage in the woods of Shelton, WA without internet access (but pray I will not feel not totally cut off from accessibility in general) for two weeks, and I need this time to ground and de-stress. I’m sorry if you have sent me something I have missed or have not answered yet!

However, you will be able to catch me as Lyric Seal, putting on a workshop called “Slumber Party” on self esteem, loving relationships, and self love solidarity at the Northwest Women of Color Conference at University of Oregon in Eugene on May 2nd! Please come by if you are in the area. This will be a POC and feminist centralized space but all genders (not just women-identified) are welcome.

I love you.

xo Lyric


During the break, you can follow Lyric on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram (selkiesonthetide). And enjoy their CrashPad Episodes!

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Slumber Party with Lyric Seal: Crying after Orgasm, and Not Wanting to Explain

Lyric Seal Sex and Relationship Advice Slumber Party at Lyric CrashPad Indie Queer Porn

Lyric Explains it All! We’ve launched an ongoing Sex and Relationship Advice column by the one and only Lyric Seal. Comment below or email your questions to listentolyric@gmail.com and they’ll be answered in the next post! Read Lyric’s past posts, on Ask Lyric: Clit Sensitivity and Rebuilding Sexuality, Being Vulnerable, Religious Indoctrination, and Respectful Hollering and Maintaining the Mystery.

Dear Lyric Seal,
Sometimes I cry when I cum. I really really adore my new boyfriend, but I don’t want to give the impression that I am experiencing every time we have sex on this supremely deep level, or that I’m wounded or pathetic or something. I don’t know it’s like I’ll be cumming really loud, and all of a sudden I’m sobbing. What should I do? What can I tell him? What can I tell myself?
- O. Baby

O. Baby!

First of all, really clever name, damn. Second of all, don’t ever change. Whether or not you are conscious of experiencing every time you have sex with your boyfriend on a deep emotional level, your body is making deep, beautiful use of those orgasms, and that’s a really good thing. Crying is a form of release. Crying is a cleanser, like sweating and peeing. Unlike sweating and peeing, however, we are not socialized to see crying has a normal human function that could and should happen every day, and certainly not in front of other people unless you’ve been mortally wounded or have another really good reason. Cumming is also a natural, healing release — pleasurable, and both calming and invigorating. Since you might also pee a little, or sweat a little, when you cum, might it also be really reasonable to cry? You’re expelling effort! You’re letting things go! You are a superhero! You have a lot to hold and in order to hold so much you have to make room, so make room! Yes, you might have some intense emotions that you are processing on any given day, and maybe you haven’t had a chance to really process them, or let yourself cry if you need to. If you’re peeing, you need to. If you’re sweating, you need to. If you’re crying, you to need to too. And if you’re cumming, well that’s just wonderful, isn’t it?

Unless your boyfriend is worried about your tears, I don’t think you need to reassure him or explain. If he adores you as much as you adore him, he’s probably grateful that you feel safe enough to cry with him, no matter what it’s about, and that your body is working that hard to make room, and let him in. Well done.

If you continue to feel concerned, it’s not unreasonable to begin journaling about how you felt in your body and your heart prior to sex and after sex. In general, it’s a really good idea to do all over body and heart check-in’s every day. Cum back if you have more questions after doing this a few weeks, and remember, it’s okay to cry.

xo Lyric


Dear Lyric,
Sometimes I feel like wherever I am touched I have to explain. I want to be touched and not feel like I have to explain what is being touched. I don’t know what is being touched.
- Anonymous

Hello, You.

In the spirit of your inquiry, I would like to try not naming you, but simply let you be. Thank you for asking this sort of question. I vibrate with empathy at its nebulousness.

What or who compels you to explain? If it is society, if it is a former caretaker or authority figure, if it is your inner mean older sibling, let them go. I struggle myself with the desire or compulsion to explain, to analyze the reasons for my responses to things, or the names of parts of myself.

Names can be comforting, but they can also be caging, and can reveal themselves to be instantly imprecise once they are uttered aloud.

Try meditating with the feeling of being touched. Does it feel good? How would you like this mysterious part of you to be touched? Is it your partner that asks you to explain? Would they happen to hear more of a how than a what? Every part of you has a right to be touched in exactly the way you would like it to be touched, without being named or defined.

My hand might be a hand, but does it have to be called a hand in order for you to ask, “May I hold this tightly, please?” Concentrate on the how, the when, the how much, the for how long, rather than the what. Let your body be. You don’t have to explain. It is possible still for you to be understood. It is alright to not know what is being touched right now, but for you still to want it to be touched anyway. I have been sweet to many things of which I did know their current or proper names. Those who are worthy of touching you will wait for the time when they can let the name alight on their tongues. For now, you are allowed to use other parts of language and communication to get what you want and need for the places that have not yet been named.

xo Lyric


There are no questions in the lands of love and lust too narrow or too vast. Keep it coming babes! I’m listening. Comment below or email listentolyric@gmail.com to ask your questions! You can also contact via Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram (selkiesonthetide).

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SLUMBER PARTY with Lyric Seal: Long-Distance Life Partners, Facebook Break-ups, and Overcoming Difficulties Coming

Lyric Seal Sex and Relationship Advice Slumber Party at Lyric CrashPad Indie Queer Porn

Lyric Explains it All! We’ve launched an ongoing Sex and Relationship Advice column by the one and only Lyric Seal. Comment below or email your questions to listentolyric@gmail.com and they’ll be answered in the next post! Read Lyric’s past posts, on Ask Lyric: Clit Sensitivity and Rebuilding Sexuality, Being Vulnerable, Religious Indoctrination, and Respectful Hollering and Maintaining the Mystery.

Dear Lyric Seal,
I have a sense that you might have some insight into the challenges and joys of, yes, long distance relationships! How do you and your boyfriend cultivate a Partnership when, so often, it is physically impossible to touch or help one another with the daily doings of life? I have done a lot of long-distance casual dating and have found it to be a delightful practice, with all that loveliness of mail art and occasional visits, but nurturing a seriously committed romance amidst so much distance is really a different kind of project! How to transcend the false dichotomy of “we live in the same place” or “we break up/scale back”? How to manage the material reality that all of our “extra” time/money goes into our relationship, contributing to our respective financial hardships? What does one do when a relationship is so emotionally and magically fulfilling, yet persists in being HELLA stressful on a logistical level?
More than a year deep,
Albatross
xoxoxo

Albatross,

You asked me to anonymize you and I want to tell you why I have given you this name. Albatross, apparently already a popular hipster tattoo in the NW, potentially making any future tattoo my boyfriend and I want to get a woeful cliche, is a wonderful, beautiful bird that mates for life. But although this bird mates for life, this is where the familiarity of that story ends. Albatross maintain long term, long distance relationships. They are non-monagamous. They often fly for miles alone above the sea. For months. Then by some pre-agreed upon terms, or ultra-sensory means, they meet the love of their life in a nest at the top of tree. There they make home and nest with their lover, and again, they alight. Not only do they nest together but they meet on beaches to dance. Does this sound like you and your partner? The albatross wouldn’t dream of scaling back, or moving to the same town. They are each other’s homes.

I must admit something- my boyfriend and I are planning to be in the same geographic location in the foreseeable future. I’m moving to Seattle in summer 2016. This is the first time I’m saying it publicly! I never would have thought I would move there, and now I really like the idea. It ended up being more physically possible for me to move than my boyfriend, but it wasn’t until we relaxed, and stopped thinking that either one of us had to move, that the real possibilities were able to surface. However, we have another year of long distance to contend with, and also over a year under our belts. So you know I empathize. Honestly I think the most important thing is language. Speaking with love and gratitude about your relationship, as it is now, and not how it could be in the future. Never taking it for granted, or speaking with sweeping statements about the parts that are difficult. Cherishing it. And seeing it as real no matter what setting you are in. And phone sex. When you cannot touch one another, finding every opportunity possible to simulate TOUCHING one another is key.

My tips are:

  1. Include your lover on mundane aspects of your life. If you’re not a big texter, become an emailer. It is nice for your partner, however far, to feel like they are a part of your day to day life.
  2. Mix vacation with daily errands when you are having a visit, this helps ground your relationship, and makes both where you live, and where your partner lives, a real place that matters to both of you.
  3. Reiterate to one another that you are each other’s home, and that you are so so grateful to be with your partner, no matter the challenging circumstances.
  4. Do not censor yourself when you feel challenged by your situation. It is okay to say, I know we can do anything, but I miss you! I’m frustrated! I’m broke! Make plans with one another about how you can save money on your next trip, or walk the other one through something that is stressing them out over the phone.
  5. Personally, my boyfriend and I are a big fan of wallpapering our lives with photos of one another. It’s simple, and a little blush inducing, but it helps. And then everybody asks you how your hot partner’s doing! Even folks who haven’t met them yet!
  6. Share one day dreams with one another. Find out where your dreams align or diverge. Meditate on the task of being cognizant of the blessing you are in one another’s lives RIGHT NOW. You do not have to have completely planned out your trajectory together or apart for this to matter. My boyfriend and I used to feel like we had to include every possibility in how we spoke about our relationship, like, “Well if we’re together in a year…” or, “If we’re in the same place in five years…” or, “I don’t want to fall in love with someone in the same place as me, but I wouldn’t blame you if you did…” Let all that go! If you want magic, you have to believe in it. Your relationship is a suspension of doubt. And that has nothing to do with dichotomies, or typical relationship rules.
  7. Send each other erotica, both by other authors, and self written!
  8. Practice visioning, manifesting, and magic with one another. Create a place that you meet up when you cannot be together. My boyfriend and I do a lot of romantic walks on the Star Bridge, a place that a dear witch friend of my told me about. Tend to your magical place between worlds. When you get to be together, plant spells of love on one another’s skin.
  9. Your relationship is real, and you are not foolish.
  10. Things change. You might find yourself in the same place as one another one day, or you might not. If you don’t, it might not feel as stressful as it does now, you might feel that you have adapted in a different way to it. Or your financial situation may have changed. Or their living situation. You don’t have to give up just when it seems societally expected to give up. If it is a relationship that sustains and nourishes you and begs you to take it seriously, then take it seriously. You’ve got something good in your hands.

There’s more where that came from. It’s such a project. And try to be compassionate towards people that can’t help asking if one of you is going to move. Just answer them with something wonderful you two did when you together or together in a different way. Lots of couples that live together don’t get to see their partner in such a beautiful, exciting, miraculous way as those of us who have to spend sometimes months separated. As long as you still spoon, and still meet on the beach to dance, I’d say shared city be damned.

xo Lyric


Dear Lyric,
How does one break-up with someone online, when even our circles on the Internet are so intertwined? Advice on having space, over various different social platforms?
- Unfollower

Unfollower!
Ahh the Internet is so stressful, is it not? Sometimes I log on to Facebook with a hammering heart, hoping certain people will not have messaged me, or certain people will not be posting another griping, vitriolic status in all caps. If it is Facebook that concerns you, the first thing to do is unfriend. It’s understandable that you share friends and social circles with your ex. Especially if you are professionally or artistically intertwined, you’re going to see their words, if not their face, everywhere.

My first question is: are you on speaking terms with your ex-lover or ex-friend? If you are, but still need space, you might inform them that you are going to temporarily block them so that you don’t have to see their Facebook activity. You can do this on Instagram or Twitter as well. If there is someone who commonly tags you both in the same posts, as this person not to do this, or unfollow people who tend to post about or with your ex a lot. It’s not offensive to ask for space, and there are ways to do this that are kind, firm, and boundary setting. Your friends will understand!

If you and your ex are not on speaking terms, then still I would say block away! You can still warn them with a message, if you’re worried about it coming across as particularly hostile, but I’ve realized that blocking is not just for creeps and stalkers anymore. There are very few ways to set clear boundaries online, especially if you don’t want to do something detrimental and narcy like report their account, so sometimes blocking, hiding, or unfollowing are what you’ve got. Asking someone to not post to you, with you, or about you, works too, but blocking is solid, and can be undone when you feel more relaxed about sharing social media space!
xo Lyric



Dear Lyric,
My partner takes a very, very long time to climax. I’m afraid to say anything because I don’t want to exacerbate the (known) issue, but long nights are wearing me out! What can we do to speed things up a little?
- Anonymous

Worn-out Wanker! My dear!

Okay first some questions to consider: Does your partner take as long a time to climax when they are jerking themselves off? If no, then ask them to touch themselves, and watch exactly what they do. It’s also not bad or unsexy to do a combination of fucking and mutual masturbation, if coming is the goal! If you come faster than your partner, they could masturbate or penetrate you until you come (whatever you like!) and then you can figure out something different for them! Coming at the same time should certainly never be expected although it’s magical when you can sync up your breathing enough so that it happens.

Does your partner like vibrators or vibrating butt plugs? Could adding either one of these things to mix make things come along nicely?

And please, don’t be afraid to talk to your partner! If you know it’s a sensitive issue, bring it up sensitively. But you getting worn out is also an access issue that has to do with your health and ability to present during sex. So please be honest with your partner about your needs, even if you’re afraid of hurting their feelings. There are so many things you two can try to help them come!

After you’ve considered all of this, my biggest tip, truly, is TEASING. Tease the fuck out of your partner before you even touch them. Make out for a long time. Breathe together. Read erotica. Tell each other a fantasy. Watch porn. Perform a strip tease. Make them watch you as you jerk off. Rub just the head or outside of whatever kinda sweet junk they have. Brush by them wet or hard or both. Wait until you have elicited some heavy breathing and deep groans of craving from them before you get on to the boning. I find that the more I am worked up before I actually have sex, the faster I come. I also come faster if I haven’t had sex for a day or two. So if you were feeling really nasty you could draw the teasing out for a whole day, but if you try that you might find yourself calling your own bluff.

xo Lyric


There are no questions in the lands of love and lust too narrow or too vast. Keep it coming babes! I’m listening. Comment below or email listentolyric@gmail.com to ask your questions! You can also contact via Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram (selkiesonthetide).

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Dream Scene Winner: Training Day!

Dream Scene Crash Pad Series

CrashPadSeries and New York Toy Collective have announced the winner of “The Dream Scene” Contest.

Congratulations to Treasure for the winning script, Training Day, to be cast and filmed by CrashPad director Shine Louise Houston in late 2015. Treasure is eligible to receive up to $500 travel stipend from New York Toy Collective towards a trip to San Francisco to be a guest on set and watch their dream scene filmed.

A special Honorable Mention goes to M.T.Richardson for Breaking In.

Thank you to our panel of rockstar judges: Tristan Taormino, Coyote Days, Sex Nerd Sandra, Sara Vibes, Tobi Hill-Meyer, and James Darling, who helped us narrow down the final round of submissions. Thank you to all our contestants. The number of great submissions made choosing a winner very, very hard.

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